My Problem?

My problem is that I feel out of place where ever I am. I can be in a night club with friends, at a gig with mates or just shopping, I don't feel like I'm meant to be there.

I'm at a gig, and I'm here with a tonne of people I know and get on with well, and one of the best mates a guy can ask for, yet I'm just on a chair in the corner watching the world. I feel disconnected from the world I'm in, away from everyone in this room.

Maybe its because I'm older, maybe its a new found lack of interest, but I just feel more and more distant from everything (baring a couple of things, like time with family & tash). I love time with my friends, but I prefer the comfort of a pub or a home.

Same applys for most things in life. I love my college mates, but every day I just feel further and further away and behind from the course. Its not going any where and I just don't feel it any more. I don't connect with the other gears.

I wish I would stop feeling like this. I'm not this down when my mind is occupied, its as soon as I have a moment to slip away. I start feeling that need for change. For life to be how I want it to be.

I don't want to live where I do, I don't want to study what I'm studying, I don't want to be as known as I am (hence why I love cardiff, I'm anonymous there), I don't want to work in retail.

I love the team I work with, we work so well together. We have our moments, but when the stress is low, we work so well together! This is both uni and work.

I just feel like I'm settling for second best. I'm in a rut that deepens every day. I don't like it and I want it to change. But if I move I might regret it through debt. If I change course it might be too different and hard. I want the change but scared of the consequences.

But how do I get all this? How do I get everything I want from life? Many people would be jelous of what I have, an easy course, good paying job, good car and the love of the most beautiful woman I've ever met, but its not all what I want. Apart from the love and possibly the car, I want it all to change...
I don't know.