who i am

I don't think I'm a bad person. I don't have a hidden agenda or a malicious side to me. Granted, I can be an evil bugger at times when winding people up, but that's as far as it goes.

As a physical being though, I don't like who I am. I'm grossly over-weight (obese in the eyes of my doctor). When I go clothes shopping I end up getting in a foul mood because nothing fits me any more. I try to present myself nicely, but I find it impossible with the way I feel about myself. I try and lose it, but it just doesn't seem to happen. And now, if I don't lose it, I'm going to have a heart attack in 5 years. Fantastic.

This causes me to put the closest people to me through hell. I start rambling on about hating myself which just upsets people. But its how I feel.

Anyone who knows me will tell you how I've cut most shit out of my diet, I very rarely drink alcohol, I don't smoke, and I drink water a fair amount. Food wise its rare ill have a maccies or anything compared to how I used to be, I've bought a drumkit to help with exercise, ok I get tired but I don't seem to be losing anything, which makes me feel worse about myself.

I just wish there was some miricle pill to shift my size down. Not even a huge amount, I just wana fit in a size 34/36 again :/