I don't think I'm a bad person. I don't have a hidden agenda or a malicious side to me. Granted, I can be an evil bugger at times when winding people up, but that's as far as it goes.
As a physical being though, I don't like who I am. I'm grossly over-weight (obese in the eyes of my doctor). When I go clothes shopping I end up getting in a foul mood because nothing fits me any more. I try to present myself nicely, but I find it impossible with the way I feel about myself. I try and lose it, but it just doesn't seem to happen. And now, if I don't lose it, I'm going to have a heart attack in 5 years. Fantastic.
This causes me to put the closest people to me through hell. I start rambling on about hating myself which just upsets people. But its how I feel.
Anyone who knows me will tell you how I've cut most shit out of my diet, I very rarely drink alcohol, I don't smoke, and I drink water a fair amount. Food wise its rare ill have a maccies or anything compared to how I used to be, I've bought a drumkit to help with exercise, ok I get tired but I don't seem to be losing anything, which makes me feel worse about myself.
I just wish there was some miricle pill to shift my size down. Not even a huge amount, I just wana fit in a size 34/36 again :/
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Okay, I'm gonna comment cause I can relate. A lot. And you know this. Dude, I know it sucks but you have to power through. It's all about determination. I know, it's easier said than done, but you have to persist. When you told me the heart attack thing, I was shocked and I didn't know what to say. I don't want to see you in a coffin in five years time. We've got a 17 year friendship going and I don't want it to end yet.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking from experience, I can totally relate. Especially at the clothes thing. But it's doable. I mean I've gone from 15 and a half stone when i started college, to 12st 12lbs in 3 years. Yeah, it took a while and I could of made it go faster if I'd stuck to it the first time round.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but all you need is a dietary change and exercise. At Xmas just gone I weight 13st 9 and now I'm 12st 12 and all I did was cut the crap out of my diet and join a gym. It works. It really does. I was sceptical when I joined the gym cause I thought 'OMG big burly muscle men doing weights then fat little me' but people don't care. It helps a lot. The atmosphere in a gym is actually really helpful, because everyones aiming for the same thing which is to get or stay fit. I can understand if people find it boring but I take my iPod with me, crack some fast paced music on and go for it.
As for the dietry change, I admit it was pretty drastic, but again, it helped. I stopped eating things like crisps, chocolate, cheese, i switched to brown bread, switched to skimmed milk (though I'm back to semi skimmed now) its just small changes, and I think it will really help.
Also, if you don't wanna go to the gym on your own, find someone who will go with you. Make it easier.
Oh and for the miracle pill. It's there and it works but it will proper fuck your body up and once you stop using it you'll put all the weight back on and they're very addictive and so bad for you. It's better to lose the weight in a more natural way.
Okay, I've ranted enough. I hope you find something that suits you to help lose the weight, just thought I'd throw in some somewhat helpful advice :) Hope you're doing well and no doubt I'll be seeing you soon.